he is an answered prayer.

October 4, 2011

Good, Lord, I cannot bear all the love you have showered upon me, but I humbly accept it and rejoice in it, in You. The taste of Your Heavenly, Divine, Perfect love keeps me yearning for You and Your ways more and more each day. Thank You. 


So, today, my God-sent heavenly gift, my answered prayer, the man God has given to me as a precious and true gift, decided to share with me that he looked back to our first "talk" via email in March (2011). We met the end of February at a blessed young adult group in NJ, and well, in March by the grace of the Lord, I contacted him through email. God put the desire on my heart to reach out to him, not to be afraid. I trusted the call on my heart, and praise God for that, 8 months later, God's confirmed His will for the two of us. 


I want to share a little bit about our discernment, and walk with the Lord, and how He has blessed our relationship. My reason for sharing is, I am simply amazed, how each day the Lord reveals His will for us, while seeking and knocking, to find and see the door He has opened.


In February, the Lord led me to Spirit and Truth, a young adult group in Hamilton NJ. I was previously going to the S&T in Linden which is closer to where I live, but it was on my heart to make the trip to Hamilton (about 1 hour and 20 min away). I finally had some time off in February and took the trip down on a Friday night. Not knowing anyone, I trusted the Lord, that He would be with me always, and no matter who I met, the Lord would be glorified in seeking a community of Truth. This was my hearts desire.


That first night, I encountered a man who I was drawn to, to share my love for Jesus with. I honestly didn't think anything of it, I was on fire for the Lord, and he understood, while sharing His love for Jesus with me as well... praise God! It was a quick conversation, otherwise consumed in the other conversations with many beautiful people. I met many great people that night, other women, as well as men, and I instantly felt a beautiful connection through the grace of God, being able to share faith and converse all night in fellowship and prayer. It was beautiful, and the next week, I went back =). 


My intention was purely coming to know the other young adults, gathering in Truth, coming to know the Lord, sharing faith, praying and enjoying the evenings with the Lord. Again, I didn't think anything of it, but the one man and we shared how much the Lord has saved our lives from darkness and brought us into His Light. It was so awesome! That night, we spent about 2 hours talking outside our cars in the parking lot, strictly about the grace of the Lord, His Divine Mercy, His Truth and Kingdom on earth, all while freezing through snowflakes and breezy winds (worth the suffering). This occurred for about 2 more weeks until I reached out to find his email in my S&T email list, and pour out a prayerful blessing upon him. Still, not thinking much of it, besides "wow, he is so beautiful, the Lord has set him free!"


Never, did I have any doubt in my heart about him or the friendly situation... it's comforting when I look back, at how the Lord was giving me such Divine grace while reaching out to this man, talking with this man, sharing in fellowship and community at S&T and simply sharing our love for the Lord with one another. Soon enough, this man reached out to get my number... we still conversed through email, occasional text message, pouring blessings upon one another, sharing and witnessing to one another, and in expectant faith looking forward to our continued growth in faith. It was innocent, gentle, joyful, stress-free, worry-free, kind and peaceful. 


In my past, I would find myself worrying, questioning, doubting, wondering, all sorts of small things... should I text/call/email him or wait for him to me, I wonder what he's thinking, is this weird? etc, etc. However, this time, I found my mind and heart at peace, all while seeking the Lord first and always. The Lord was my center of attention, in my daily walk with Him, I did not dwell on things of this world, the secular world I was once apart of. I trusted the Lord. 


Before I knew it, the Lord was putting on my heart, warm, affectionate thoughts and feelings, that remained pure and faithful to the Lord's will. I continued to pray and ask the Lord to unite His will to mine, to lead me, and I found myself praying about this man. I didn't worry though, and about 2 months passed where he and I were companions in Truth, brothers/sisters in Christ and it was beautiful. In our young adult group, prayer, praise and worship, adoration, fellowship, we were attracted to each other's faith above all, praise God. 


I don't know exactly how long this took, but it was on my heart to talk with him about furthering our companionship into what God would will regarding a discernment about a relationship. It came up in conversation with such great ease, and apparently the Lord put it on both of our hearts, praise God! We discerned, and very clearly discussed all aspects of what this meant... seeking God's will and His call for a relationship leading to our vocation (which has been discerned prior to our meeting that both of us are called to marriage). 


In adoration one evening, the first night we hung-out outside of S&T, the Lord put on my heart "you can trust him" and the Lord put on his heart "guard her heart." Glory to God!!!!! It was such a beautiful moment, (my tears are rolling as we speak... as I type). We shared this afterward, but it was an overwhelming grace of the Lord's anointing, where He manifested Himself in a physical sense to each of us, and in a deep sense in our hearts. From this day on, I never doubted His call. We both wanted to further discern, and continued to make sure of our call with one another.


By the grace of God alone, our call has been confirmed on many instances. Throughout the last 8 months, I might have felt "fear" of this being true, or "fear" of letting my own will and pride get in the way, however through consistent prayer and trust in the Lord, He has taken away all fear and blessed me with overwhelming joy in His call for my life and vocation. 


Words alone, cannot do justice for the way the Lord has granted me peace, comfort, love, joy, humility and compassion in my vocation as a wife, with him alone. He is God-sent to me. I know that I alone cannot live without the Lord, and He has given me the grace to see, this man He sent me is to help purify my life, my heart and help me to sanctification. I can't without him. Also, my desire to bring Him closer to the Lord, which can only be fulfilled through the grace of the Lord! Praise God. 


For a while, I questioned how I could ever love a man enough to be called to marriage, because my love for Jesus was not comparable. It didn't make sense to me, and I began to re-discern my vocation. The Lord blessed me with His Spirit to reassure my hearts call to marriage. I still yearned (still do) to completely love Jesus and be loved by Him, that I did not understand how I can love or receive love from another human being. 


However, the Lord blessed me by telling me and confirming, this is correct; I will never love or receive love from a human being that will ever compare to Jesus, although, His love will be reflected in another human being. Praise God, I understand! The Lord has allowed me to see that a human being, my God-sent spouse to be, reflects Jesus' love, God's love for me, and I am called to reflect that love for/to him as well. He is an image of God for me. I trust Jesus, and I trust him. 


And so, I was recently re-reading the emails he and I sent to each other. It's such a blessing to know him now, and look back at our conversations and blessings. The Lord was (still is) at work in the both of us, and with us together! Glory to God alone. I am overwhelmed with such a deep joy, my eyes fill with raindrop tears. One thing, one of the many, that the Lord has revealed to me, is that when he fell away from the Church, and the Lord, God still loved him. The Lord has placed such a deep love on my heart for him, and told me "I never gave up on him" even when he gave up on the Lord. O, how my heart rejoices in the love of Christ. I see the Lord's love and beauty in him, and I rejoice with the Lord in his "yes." 


Thank you for allowing me to share a piece of my heart with you. This story is not finished, but it was on my heart, to journal and witness of God's love revealed through Jesus, through His Spirit, and through His children to one another. Jesus, I trust in You. 


God bless you, brothers and sisters in Christ. May the Lord have mercy on each of us, and bring us all home into His warm embrace. Peace be with you. 

What is your identity?

August 22, 2011. 


Do you ever think about the person you are, man or woman?  Do you ever feel like one day you are one person, and another day you are someone a little bit different?  Who are you?  


I know for me, I am still searching my heart to know who exactly God created me to be. It's a beautiful journey as the Lord continues to unravel chains, blankets of the world that have been placed over my heart that at times distract me, steer me off course and in my walk in the shoes God has given me in my original creation. 


For so long, I thought of myself as a very indecisive person. It was difficult for me at times to make important decisions in fear of making the wrong one. I often found myself dwelling on things, worrying, doubting myself, feeling insecure and the need to receive love in the wrong ways, trying to make other people happy and fit in. When I was alone I often found myself in shame, guilty of something not all the time knowing what, unhappy and lonely. 


If a few years ago,  you asked me who I was and what my identity was, I probably would have told you I was a perfectionist who worked hard and was too hard on myself in all aspects from school, physical appearance, sports; loved people (although at times not myself as much), was insecure, searching for hope and purpose to life, kind but also not always consistent in having patience.  I am not sure what else I would have said, but I can tell you it's not much of what I would answer now, and what is reflected in who I am.


I can honestly say that coming to know Jesus, His character through scripture, fellowship, reading, prayer, knowledge and wisdom through the Holy Spirit, God has allowed me to see such a depth to my heart and who He has created me to be. Think about this, God has created us perfect in His image and likeness (Genesis 1:27). Exactly as He wanted to create man and woman, He created Adam and Eve without sin. It wasn't until the fall in the Garden, that human life was condemned with sin. However, God calls each and everyone of us to holiness, back to the glory of our sanctity in mind, body and spirit. 


We will never be perfect in holiness while on earth, but He calls us all to strive for holiness, because He is holy. As it is written, "Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed. As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: 'Be holy because I am holy.' " (1 Peter 1:13-16) 


Holiness is only revealed and possible in knowing God. Knowing God is only possible by knowing Jesus, as it is written "Jesus said to him, 'I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you had known me, you would have known my Father also.' " (John 14:6-7) 


Jesus is the Only Son of God, worthy of our unending praise. God blesses us with His Son, Our Savior, to bring us out of the dark and into the light of His Kingdom in heaven and on earth. When we acknowledge this, and desire to have a relationship with Jesus through the Holy Spirit which our Father freely gives us, our hearts begin to be transformed. To some this might sound "scary" or even"crazy" but it is instilled within each and everyone of us that we long for our God, Our Father, who has created us. 


I can speak for myself, that my relationship with Jesus has brought me to a life full of great joy, happiness, compassion, kindness, peace, love and comfort in this world of great disaster. From a life and a heart of uneasiness, confusion, depression, anxiety, worry, insecurity, and fear, the Lord has blessed me with beautiful fruits of His Divine Spirit; "but the fruit of the Spirit is, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law." (Galatians 5:22-23) 


I did not know what to ask for necessary, but I allowed, called Jesus to change my heart into the woman God created me to be, and needs me to be. Allowing the Holy Spirit to work in my heart and in my life has brought me such a depth to who I am, a depth I was yearning for and so unaware of. Ultimately, my deepest desire, my thirsting soul, is only fulfilled in the love God has for me. He is, and His love revealed through Jesus His Son, is the only "thing", the only true love that quenches my thirst and brings me out of darkness into light. Life has a whole new meaning, gives me a whole new purpose. 


My identity as been changed from a confused girl in this world, to a beautiful daughter of God the Most High. With a humble heart and with great humility, I can faithfully say and believe that my beautiful identity in God, through Jesus, has been revealed and has changed my walk in this world. I live in the world, but not of the world, I live in the Kingdom of God on earth, in His Truth of beauty and love. My identity rests in God's hands, and only He can open my eyes to see as He does, and my heart to love as He does. What joy!


May the Lord Jesus Christ, through the power of the Holy Spirit sent from Our Father in Heaven, transform your heart, bringing you from darkness, into the light of His Truth! May His presence in your life and in your heart reveal to you the depth of your soul. May He touch you, and wash you clean from anything that separates you from knowing your beautiful worth. 


Peace in Christ, 
Erin 

He alone quenches our thirst ~

August 9, 2011


“Everyone who drinks of this water will thirst again, but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst; the water that I shall give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”


On the last day of the feast, the great day, Jesus stood up and proclaimed, “If any one thirst, let him come to me and drink. He who believes in me, as the scripture has said, ‘Out of his heart shall flow rivers of living water.’” Now he said this about the Spirit, which those who believed in him were to receive (John 7:37-39).




Our heart's desire is God alone. Face it! Nothing in this world can truly and fully satisfy our heart! Things of this world are passing, they pull us in and keep us coming back for more, and more, and more... it doesn't end! The Lord, however, touches the depth of our heart, where our soul longs for and thirsts for true fulfillment; satisfaction, love, happiness, peace, joy, comfort...


When God created us, each and everyone of us, He placed on our heart the desire for Him. Original man is totally united to God through His Spirit. When we as humans took on sin in the garden, God our Father had to save us. He sent us His Only Son, to take on flesh, die on the cross and take away our sins, descended, and ascended, rose again into the Kingdom of Heaven with His Father. He has sent us His Spirit which through Baptism lives within us. God lives in us! He unites Himself to us, through Jesus His Son, and through His Holy Spirit. 


The burning in our heart to be loved, can only be quenched through God's presence. Many will ask, "how does this happen, what do I have to do?"  I encourage you to take some time and reflect on where God is in your life; is He apart of your life, do you pray daily, weekly, monthly, do you thank Him for your life and blessings? do you go to mass and receive the Holy Eucharist? is God mentioned in your life, at home, with friends? do you think about Him?


It's never too late!! Actually, every moment of our life, the Lord thirsts for us!! How awesome is it to have a God who longs for us, who thirsts and whose thirst is quenched by doing His Father's will, in bringing each soul, every person to His Father, saving us from darkness and bringing us into the light of His Kingdom?  Who could pass this everlasting love and Divine mercy?


God is a loving God. Do not be afraid to call out to Him, He is patiently waiting =)




God's love and peace be with you ~


Erin 

~Lord, You are the lover of my soul ~

July 30, 2011


There is no better day than today to share the love of God here on the blog. It's been quite some time, please welcome me back, for the glory of God Our Father =)


So, I don't know where to begin, where I left off really, but what was on my heart today, and well, quite often is on my heart, was how precious and sweet we are as God's children. 


The Lord desires to have an intimate relationship with us. Our encounter with the Lord, Jesus Christ, as Our Savior, the Son of God, satisfies such a depth in our heart. The deepest desire of our heart, purposely placed there by God during creation when He knitted us together in His image and His likeness, is to be loved, to be united to Him, Our Father, and to be fulfilled by His glorious wonders. 


It wasn't always this beautiful and real for me, however I knew my heart "thirsted" for something greater than anything this world could offer. I was never completely satisfied, my heart was always "itching" for more, no matter what it was, a relationship, happiness within myself (body image, etc.), clothing, friendships, somewhere along the road I was at one point or another "disappointed", not fulfilled. When I was lead to God through friends and brokenness, it was a start to my true transformation, from a lost soul to a soul of purpose and love. Praise God =)


Through much transformation, the grace of God, freedom through Jesus, blessings and renewal in the Lord, He has blessed me with eyes that see from my heart. He has washed my heart clean (I am still a sinner, but my heart has been created new), and through blessing me with a new heart, my eyes see God's beauty in all of His creation.  Nature, scenary, it's all beautiful, however, the most beautiful part of all creation are God's precious children, us!


We often think we have to force ourselves to "like" another person, or to be patient with someone or something, and yes to a certain degree that is true. However, God wants to bless us with the grace to do so through His Holy Spirit. We have to call to the Lord, and ask for Him to be in our heart, to remove what is not of Him, and to create in us, a pure desire to love as He loves us; freely, patiently, gently, truly, kindly, mercifully. 


He responds to our call to Him because He wants to be the center of our life! He desire to give us Life. He is.. the way, the truth, the light, of all the world! He loves us so much that He gave His life on earth for the glory of His Father, and gave His life on the Cross, to free us from sin. He ascended into Heaven and sent us His Spirit, to live in us and with us. 


In each one of us, God is reflected. God is a part of me, you, and your neighbor. When we sin, when someone hurts us, God is still there. He loves us unconditionally, so mercifully... always. He may be offended or hurt by our sin, but He still loves us, and desires us to come to Him, to rest in His embrace, to know Him, talk with Him, receive Him, and share in His love with others. What a beautiful God! He wants to give us true Life!


So, when I say that when I see you, I want to love you, it's because in you there is something special, different, unique and awesome about you that is different from me and our friends. You, created by God, are made with a specific plan, a purpose, in God's beautiful image. He has created you with special intentions, in His beautiful likeness. He thought about every detail of who you are before you were created, and now He has blessed you with life and loves you more than we will ever understand while we are on earth. Although we will never have a full understanding of God's love on earth, He freely gives us His love and in our encounter with the Lord, He reveals the depth of love to us! 


I love you because you are special to God, and I cherish you because God loves you. God is in you, and in the depth of your soul I see Him. 


Lord, I thank You so much for revealing Your love to me, and to all of Your children who have come to know you, and all those who have not encountered You yet. In expectant faith, I know every knee will bow and every tongue will confess, You are Lord. Lord, Jesus, Your love is fulfilling, real, patient, merciful and alive. I thank You for gently opening our hearts and stripping ourselves of chains that may hold us back from freely and fully receiving Your grace. You are the Bread of Life, the Light of the world. Thank You for revealing Yourself to us and speaking Your Words to our heart. Give us new eyes, to see Your beauty, a new heart to rejoice and share Your love, and new hands to bring our Father glory. 


God bless you ~ share with you soon ~


Erin 

Your love is the light of my soul!

Praise God!
May 2, 2011




The Lord never ceases to amaze me. It's been quite a beautiful Lent, and Easter season. The most joyous and spiritual season of the year! Praise God. 


I haven't been as committed as I would like to be. Although I am writing a bit more outside of the blog, I need to remember that I have this blog available, to witness God's unending love, and everlasting Divine Mercy. 


I had off today, Monday, following a weekend in PA to visit my best friend and celebrate with her at her bridal shower! Praise God =).  Today, following some errands, mass and adoration, I went for a jog.  Of course, I was listening to praise and worship (I can sing along and the Lord gives me such strength to continue), and He was revealing Himself to me in a profound way. 


I lifted the 3rd mile up for a special person, his special intention. While praying for this person, the Lord was showing me, telling me, about total sacrifice and surrender.  I was offering my body up to the Lord for someone else. He desires us to do that for Him always! Praise God! It allowed me to realize that I want to give myself totally to the Lord, that His will be done in me. A total sacrifice for Jesus, and God's great love allows me to see, this total sacrifice is the love in which I am to love a spouse. A total selfless giving of my body, mind, and spirit. Once we give ourselves to Jesus in this way, and surrender to Him completely, His grace allows us to do the same for someone on earth. Jesus' total surrender and sacrifice for us, for His Father. Thank You, Lord!


The Lord has also been placing on my heart, holy love, purity in spousal love and in marriage. A perfect example, the holy family, Mary, Joseph and Jesus.  "I am holy, because You are holy." 


I grew up Catholic, and I thank God for blessing me with a great family, beautiful parents and 2 siblings.  In my youth, I was blessed with many opportunities to develop talents, that lead me into many great experiences and ultimately lead me to play softball in college.  However, I didn't "care" enough about "church" as I did sports, and through time, friends, and other distractions, I completely fell away from the beautiful kingdom of God.


The Lord, through His great and Divine mercy, brought me back into His kingdom with much trial and perseverance. Now, about 3.5 years following my initial choice to say yes to God, He has blessed me with the desire to have holy relationships, and fulfill my vocation as a wife and mother, in holiness.  Praise God, it's so beautiful!


Through many trials, and experiences of "getting it wrong" I have come to see and believe with my whole heart, that God's plan for my husband is to lead me into heaven, close to Jesus' love, and His truth.   I know that God's plan is perfect, and I surrender to Him, I trust in Jesus!


There is no other way. Nothing in the past has ever felt right, but what does feel right right now, is surrendering completely to God.  He has placed on my heart, the desire to sacrifice my body, as a living vessel for His Spirit to dwell, sacrifice my mind, to remain in His Word at all times, and spirit, to be united with His in purity, self-control, and love. Praise God, for bringing me into the light of His glorious kingdom, where my heart is fulfilled, and sustained in His love!


God bless you all, and may He keep you always, close to His Son's most Sacred Heart, burning and thirsting for our surrender each day!


God's peace be with you ~


Erin 

Search my heart, and search my soul~

"Shine Your light, and show Your face! In my life, Lord, have Your way. Hear my cry, and hear my prayer. Draw me close, I know You're near. Give me strength, and give me grace, to walk with You, Lord, all my days. So with all my heart and all my soul, with all I am, Lord, I will follow You. You took the cross, You took my shame, restored my life, now I live to worship You. Search my heart, and search my soul. There's nothing else, that I want more. Without You, I am nothing." - Hillsong United, Search My Heart


Glory to You, Lord! Without You, I am nothing! Amen. 

Thank You, Lord, for teaching me about humility!  Who would ever thank God for such a thing??

The Lord is helping me, through His grace and Spirit,  understand what it means to be humble in order to rid me of selfish pride.  Yes, we are human and I know I often let pride get in the way of God's fruitful gifts He has blessed me with, however, the Lord is blessing my heart with understanding and spiritual growth.

People have told me "I always pray for humility," but I seem to be “afraid” to do that because I don't know what that would entail regarding making me "look silly." 

Now, however, I desire humility, because God is humble, I am humble. Look at Jesus' passion, Our King humbly carried the cross, took on the sins of the world, was beaten and humiliated, and He remained obedient through God's grace, for God and with God. He never boasted Himself, He actually sat low with the sinners. Our mighty King was humble.


I desire to be humble as Jesus was humble, and remain in humility. Humility as in lowering myself and showing love at all times! I know in my work place, pride is present within many, but in another sense, my “job” as a physical therapist calls me to genuinely show compassion and love at all times for the best interest and care for my patient.  My “job” as a woman is uniquely similar!

As a woman, God’s feminine beauty (in original creation of woman, Eve) rests in her humble, gentle and loving ways.  Her instilled patience and trust in the Lord keeps her temperant; in good, self-control.  The stem of her heart is humility, as a woman who can only share and live these virtues and fruitful gifts through the grace of God.  "Without You, Lord, I am nothing!" There is no other way a woman can fulfill God’s call as a woman in this world, without humbly accepting Her gifts and living to serve others, and her God above herself. 

Yesterday, Saturday, I attended a women's retreat at Seton Hall University in South Orange, NJ.  It was such a blessed day, with beautiful women of all ages loving God, praising the Lord with holy hour, divine mercy chaplet, adoration, listening to enlightening and truth-filled talks about the Holy Spirit and collaboration with God and women of conviction, as well as celebrate the most holy Sacrament of the altar, The Eucharist. 


Following the blessed day, I went out to dinner with some great young women I met at a young adult group called Spirit and Truth.  While I was listening to one of the women talk, my heart was suddenly filled with love for her. Yes, I love these women already, but the Lord filled me with a deeper love, God's perfect love, in which I instantly thought, "yes, Lord, I love her because she is a beautiful woman of God. She is created in God's image, and God's likeness, just as He intended to create her, with a special purpose, and if I don't love her as He loves her, I will offend Him!"  I was moved by this thought, and the Lord has enriched my gratefulness for His unique presence in each one of us. To God be the glory.


I am no greater than another. Yes, I have unique, and special gifts given to me specifically from our Father, but that does not make me greater or better than another.  I accept these gifts, humbly, knowing that the plans for my life are for the glory of God, not my own glory.  Along with God's glory, we are filled with joy, love, peace, and many fruitful gifts of the Spirit because God "rewards"... loves... cares, for us. 


We all are the hands of God, and our unique blessings, talents, gifts, are to be used to build up the kingdom of God.  One without the other (me without you) wouldn't make sense.  God's perfect plan for our life is like a puzzle, and we are to put all the pieces together for His great glory.  His great glory, everlasting life with Him!  


One more thing I want to share with you today, is related to building up God's kingdom on earth.  We may not realize it, but every word and action that we make influences another.  The Lord is guiding my heart and mind, as He continues to convert my being into God's plan for my life.  Part of being humble is to remain in the Spirit of Jesus, and to know that the smallest negative, or smallest hurtful, or smallest secular discussion, can influence the heart, body or spirit of someone else.  Unless we speak in and of the truth at all times, God's kingdom is at risk.  


I'm not necessarily saying we have to sit in our room and only site scripture and sing praises 24 hours every day (although for some that is God's intention), but I am trying to exaggerate my point that we all are easily influenced, and easily influence others.  God's loving kindness, His holy grace, is to be shared and spread from one person to another, to lift and prevail in His great kingdom which reigns forever in heaven and on earth. I have been trying to consider my choice of words more carefully, as well as my actions, because I don't want to harm or hurt someone else's heart, I want to fill it up with the loving truth of the Lord! (part of my "job" and nature, character, as a woman)


Okay, I think that will be all for now. 


Lord, may You enlighten my heart and the heart of all those who read this blog today, that our hearts may be set on fire for Your word, and Your truth.  It is in You, that we are set free, free to love, free to live a joyful life away from the darkness of this world and in Your light.  I thank You for Your wisdom and knowledge, Your gifts that You instill in us through Your Holy Spirit.  I lift You up, Lord, and exhalt Your name on high, because You are worthy. Thank You for Your divine mercy, and for loving us despite our sins.  Thank You, for freeing us from our sins, and giving us pure hearts to know You.


God bless you ~


- Erin 

"Cry out to Jesus"

"To everyone who has lost someone they loved, long before it was their time. It feels like the days you had were not enough when you said goodbye. To honor the people with burdens and pains. You believe there is nothing and no one who can make it right. There is hope for the helpless, rest for the weary and love for the broken hearts. There is grace and forgiveness, mercy and healing that meets you wherever you are. Cry out to Jesus. For the marriage that's struggling just to hang on, they've lost all their faith and love. And they've done all they can to make it right again, still it's not enough. For the ones who can't break the addictions and chains, they try to give up but you come back again. Remember you are not alone in your shame and suffering. When you're lonely, and it feels like the whole world is falling on you, you just reach out, you just cry out to Jesus. Cry to Jesus. To the little who suffers from being alone, wiping the tears from her eyes. For the children around the world without a home, say a prayer tonight. There is hope for the helpless, rest for the weary and love for the broken hearts. There is grace and forgiveness, mercy and healing that meets you wherever you are. Cry out to Jesus." Third Day - Wherever You Are


Hello!!


It's been quite some time. I welcome you to the season of Lent! In preparation for receiving the Lord with a pure and holy heart on Easter, I ask for the Lord's abundance grace, blessings, healing, divine mercy and love be poured out upon your heart today and the days that follow!


I want to share a Lent experience with you that truly was life changing for me. 


About 2 years ago I was in my second year of graduate school, and I lived with 2 girlfriends in an apartment 3/4 mile away from my university.  I had been in relationship with Jesus (in the beginning of my ongoing conversion) for about 1 year and this, at the time, was the first Lent I wanted to do something that helped me grow closer to the Lord. Lent before my relationship with Jesus was real, didn't have as much meaning as it did then, and even more now. 


In college, I will be honest, I made choices that were not healthy, impure, lead away from God, and brought me further into darkness.  I did not know it at the time, well, I knew something felt "strange" or "uncomfortable" but I didn't know what it was.  I look back now and reflect, and I see how my whole heart was hardened, unable to see my purpose, my beauty as a gift and woman of God. I wanted to be a part of the world, the secular society where the norm is corrupt, love is false, and priorities are clouded. 


As my heart was trying to understand who Jesus was (is), and the hurt that had created my heart to harden, I had great men, women, Franciscan Friars, and community to help me along the way.  During Lent, I was encouraged to read scripture every day. I committed to that, although at times I may have rushed through a chapter just to read it, or read a chapter and not truly understand the Word being spoken, but I committed in order to deepen my relationship, wisdom and understanding of God. I don't think reading scripture for the whole season became a "habit" but it definitely became a desire!  Thank You, Lord!! Through consistent scripture reading, even after that Lent, the Lord blessed me with increased understanding and knowledge of His Word!  I can't go a day without being in the Word of God, it gives me foundation, it is my rock. 


I also had a desire to abstain from all alcohol.  Being in college, living with friends, and looking forward to the weekends without 24 hour studying and class, that was a challenge.  Through a lot of prayer, I knew this would help the Lord reveal my own heart to myself.  Alcohol had created a lot of problems in my past (I was not an alcoholic, but I did drink on the weekends with friends).  My friends and I looked forward to having "some" drinks and "have a good time."  Wow, my idea of a good time was very clouded. "Some" drinks always turned into too many, and a "good time" often turned in to obnoxious actions and in extreme events, feeling quite "ugly" and "dark" the next day. At least this was my experience. 


So, Lent came. I knew this would be a challenge, and I would face many temptations throughout the 40 days of fasting. If it were not my friends saying "come on, are you kidding, you really aren't going to drink the whole time? Just have one, we miss the 'fun' Erin", I sometimes wanted to just cave in.  But the Lord gave me strength to resist all alcohol. Throughout the season, I actually lost the desire slowly. I went out, yes. I went to the bar on a Friday night, and said "no" often to people wanting to buy me a drink, or a friend trying to convince me "just one."  But somehow, I had the strength to stay committed to my fast, for the love of God. I knew my heart was desiring to remain "clean".  Create in me, a clean heart O Lord! 


"I am holy, because You are holy, Lord." (Leviticus 11:14, 1 Peter 1:16)


As I mentioned earlier, my desire to participate in such events slowly left my heart and mind.  Granted, I did feel uncomfortable at times, sitting with a group of friends while things may have became "rowdy" and eventually I saw people forgetting things they did, not knowing who they were, making themselves look silly, and realized that I have done this to myself as well!!


When Lent was over, and Easter Sunday was here, I did not even have the least bit of a desire to have a glass of wine!  Often people look forward to Easter because they can or do whatever it was they gave up for Lent.  However, I was FREED from that harmful and hurtful action I used to enjoy.  The Lord totally freed me, and stripped my heart of such an action that was not benefitting my body, my mind, my heart, or my spirit.  To this day, I have no desire for ever being drunk, ever again. (unless it's on the Holy Spirit - Acts 2)


Please remember that this is just a personal event. I do not pass judgment on those who may enjoy a drink or two. I really don't. It's just that the Lord knew something I didn't know, and it took total sacrifice and abstinence for me to recognize the hurt it brought to myself. I didn't enjoy drinking, I might have thought I did at the time, but it was quick make me feel good, and the result was never satisfying.  But did it anyway, and it left me feeling guilty, depressed, emotionally unstable, lethargic, and quite ugly on the inside and out. This is my experience. 


So what am I trying to get at here?  Lent is a season of great sacrifice.  Just as Jesus resisted temptation for 40 days and nights, and fasted, and remained in the grace and will of God, He calls us to do the same! He wants to be totally loved by us, in mind, spirit and body. He wants to purify our hearts, and cleanse our bodies!  He desires nothing but beauty and greatness for each of us!  This Lent season, I encourage you to have the strength through Jesus Christ.  We are all weak in the flesh, and God knows that.  But we are strong in Jesus, who has conquered the enemy, and all temptations for the human being. He said "no" and obeyed God, and God called Him into His great glory, forever!


My Lent this year is a little different, but still for the glory of God. I now look forward this such a season where the Lord's passion kindles a fire in my heart. I desire Him with all that I am!


Thank You, Jesus! You have conquered sin and temptation, and I thank You for the strength You bring to each of us so that we can resist temptation, for the glory of God the Almighty Father.  May we be purified, so we can receive You more fully each day, as You bring light to our heart, freeing us from the darkness of the world. 




Love in Christ, 
Erin 

"I can feel Your presence here with me, suddenly I am lost in Your beauty"

Continuing a bit from last night’s blog and regarding my thoughts on, “this IS my life”, I say it like that because at the start of my conversion I didn’t know what to expect.  I focused on my relationship with Christ, my love for God, repenting my sins, purifying my heart, and fulfilling God’s will.  In total surrender, I now find myself  completely captivated in the Truth, the word of God, the grace of the Holy Spirit.  My life and my heart’s desires have completely changed.  I now desire total surrender in all that I am.

At the beginning I know I was somewhat “scared” or “hesitant” about what the Lord was going to do with me, or in my life!  However, through spiritual direction, prayer and fellowship with people of God, my heart desired something more than I could comprehend and my only option was to open my heart and trust the Lord. It wasn’t easy, but through prayer the Lord made it feel easy at times.

I desire to be completely surrounded by the Lord, in union with the Lord, so that He may radiate His love to all those I encounter.  The more my relationship with Jesus is strengthened and deepened, the more I am open to His will and in serving Him.  His joy, His gentleness is able to move in me for the glory of God’s kingdom on earth and in heaven!

To some people this may sound like I want to marry Jesus (meaning, spend my life in a religious order).  Well, I discerned not only once, but twice for an answer from the Lord about my vocation, religious versus marriage.  To God be all of the glory, I can humbly and gratefully thank the Lord for my vocation to the married life!

When I was in Italy, specifically Sienna (Fall 2009), I was praying and standing before the blessed Mother statue where there were dimmed lights and one light shining on her only.  In silence, honoring her and staring upon her beauty, my heart was jolted with complete joy and my eyes filled with tears.  The Lord was blessing me. I was amazed by her beauty as a woman of God, called by our Heavenly Father, our King, to bear His child. She humbly and lovingly said yes to His call for her life.  I admired her obedience to God’s call.  I also experienced joy and love in coming to understand her love for her Son, God’s son, Jesus.  Our blessed Mother, Mary, had such great love, patience, gentleness, understanding, self-control, kindness, and joy in raising Jesus for the glory of God. She trusted God with all of her heart, her body, her mind and her spirit!  Lord God, may we all imitate Mary’s love for you in trust and hope!

This event was powerful, as I came to understand a little bit more about loving God in all of my ways, through obedience and trust in Him.  I also began to desire pure holiness!!  Mary was so holy that God chose her to bear His child! Hallelujah!  In coming to understand Mary, I began to desire and understand purity. Thank You, God! It doesn’t stop there though.  I also desired to love people, especially children with God’s love, which is unending, patient and gentle.  For sure, I thought this confirmed my vocation to bear children through marriage.

When I returned to the United States, I spoke with my spiritual director, by the way he is a Franciscan brother, TOR and so abundantly blessed!  He did reassure me that the Lord is speaking to my heart about my vocation, and will use different events so we can hear Him clearly. (By the way, I am beginning to shed those joyful tears that I tend to shed because I feel quite overwhelmed and filled with the Holy Spirit!)

As my relationship with Jesus continued to grow, through trials and challenges, periods of consolation and desolation, my heart was significantly being transformed before my eyes! Through much prayer, discernment, scripture studying, fellowship, group prayer, praise and worship (almost everyday!), the Lord had something deep He wanted me to know.

Summer of 2010, following graduation from physical therapy school and preparing to take the licensing exam, my days consisted of prayer, praise and worship, scripture, studying of course, daily mass, adoration weekly, and fellowship.  For about 5-6 weeks this was my day in a nutshell. Oh yeah, fasting often as well (which I can get into another time!). 

During adoration one day, the Lord was so present and spoke to me like He never has before.  In complete surrender, and spending time close to Him, He revealed himself to me in an image.  The image was Him staring into my eyes about 6-inches from my face, holding my face in the palm of His hands! Thank You, Lord!  He held me close and stared into my eyes in a gentle, yet firm way.  My heart was set on fire, and all I could do was say yes to whatever He was calling to!

Following my time with the Lord, I left and shed a lot of tears, not 100 percent sure what the Lord was telling me.  I called Michelle, and had to speak with my spiritual director in direction for prayer about this.  I found myself sobbing at times, because in my heart I felt the Lord was calling me to a religious vocation. I cried because it felt as though my whole world was crashing, from what I had planned to now considering complete opposite directions.  I felt selfish in not rejoicing to what Jesus was calling me to, but it was only in time that I found peace to clearly discern further. 

Through again, prayer, time with the Lord, scripture, adoration, mass, fasting, fellowship, and prayer with Brother, the Lord revealed God was calling me to “motherhood.”  This called for further discernment, spiritual versus natural motherhood.  Spiritual motherhood definitely resides and sets my heart on fire, with peace of Christ.  However, the Lord also brings joy and peace when I ask Him about natural motherhood, and spousal marriage.  I have been convicted that my vocation is marriage! Thank You, God!

The image the Lord blessed me with during adoration and in spending time close to Him revealed He is calling me to never go astray from Him; to remain in Him, with Him, in all that I am and all that I do.  Today, about 8 months later, the Lord has confirmed in my heart, I desire to remain in community with Him at all times! As a disciple, I desire to witness to other people through my actions, words, thoughts and body.  I am a vessel for the Lord, to be “used” for His glory!

In my coming to know the Lord, and experience His love, I know He will never let me down. He is the only One who consistently loves me (all of us!). He is so faithful, and satisfies the deepest desire of my heart.  My relationship with Jesus will forever be the most important one.  While understanding and believing this, I have hope that in spousal love and marriage, my husband will mirror Jesus.  He will show me the love of God.  In order to know, believe, understand and desire this, God needs to be the center of my life!

Some might think this is “unrealistic” for someone to mirror, or “be” someone’s Jesus as a spouse, but this is what God’s intentions were, and still are, for human love.  Jesus can never be replaced.  His love and His ways can be present though, in men and women. This is what my heart desires for myself, and for my spouse.  We are humans, and yes we will be disappointed at times, experience hurt or pain, struggle with sin or desires of the flesh, but when Christ is the center of two hearts, the rest falls into place!

I have truly been blessed while the Lord patiently helped my eyes, my mind and my heart learn and understand the true meaning of love, and spousal love through marriage.  Don’t get me wrong here, I am still learning!! The Lord has been patient, and I thank Him for that.  I have had one relationship in Christ since my ongoing conversion really started. It lasted about 5 months and it was a huge blessing to me.  I hope he can say the same.

Through guidance from my best friend Michelle who brought me close to the Lord and prayer for me and with me many times, she encouraged me to begin to pray for my heart to be changed into the woman God is calling me to be for my husband.  She also encouraged me to pray for my husband, yes, before knowing him!  Through these prayers and the presence of the Lord, He reveals to us certain things about ourselves that we can grow in so that we will be ready when the day comes to commit to someone else, as well as know the qualities in a man that will glorify God.  It helps with the discernment process, especially when you meet someone you may want to consider getting to know.  Remember, God is so gentle and desires to speak with us and to us, He doesn’t want to hide and leave secrets. We just have to ask Him and patiently await His answers, in His time. 


Again, I could go on and on. The Lord has blessed me this morning to tie a few things together.  Glory to You, Lord!  For Your great glory, I witness Your love and truth.  Thank You, Lord. 


"Caught up in the wonder of Your touch, here in this moment, I surrender to Your love." - Here With Me, MercyMe


God bless you ~


- Erin 

Painfully longing for Jesus!

Welcome

I am finding myself "lost for words" at times, but not because I have nothing to share,  but because it feels like too much! =)

I have had a couple days off from work and I had some great opportunities to spend quality time with the Lord.  On a day off I find myself joyfully "blasting" (not really blasting but the volume is high) praise and worship and/or christian music.  It never gets old!  I actually long to give the Lord so much praise, from the deepest part of my heart. Sometimes it feels like my heart may burst with great love, hence the title of tonight's blog =).   The Lord is glorified when we seek Him with all of our heart.

Morning mass is a great way to wake up and say yes to the Lord, and has helped flood my heart with the joy of the Lord today as well.  Not because I had to go,  but because the Lord has captivated my heart and because I love Him so much, I want to worship him entirely body, mind, spirit!

I want to share with you why I am sharing this.  If you would have asked me 2, 3, 5 years ago where I would be now, it would not have been in a situation or life like the one I am in now!  And I thank God for bringing me here!! How did I get to this joyful and free life?  I said yes, I said yes over and over to the Lord, not knowing what He was going to do with my life, and my heart.  Well because He is the God of impossible, and wondrous ways, I wouldn't trade my life for anything else.  It wasn't until I completely surrendered to Him, that I found life.

The Lord has been revealing new "things" to me the last couple of weeks or so (well He's always trying to speak to us), this week it's been a little bit clearer.  Something the Lord revealed to me tonight during a young adult prayer group and fellowship, was "this is my life," meaning that this is just the beginning of truly carrying out and living a faithful life in all that I am and all that I do!  He has prepared me in so many ways to say yes and trust His Spirit to work through me in so many ways.  I said yes, and I praise Him with all my heart, trust Him, love Him and listen to Him. His ways are so loving, gentle, true, kind, constant, faithful and holy!

Ministry, He has placed the desire for me to "branch" out (He is the vine) to His children, His people, in new ways from what I am currently doing.  I still have to bring it to prayer for clearer direction =). Our "conversions" are never ending until we are purified and holy in the Kingdom of our Heavenly Father. However, on earth the Lord calls us to holiness!  He calls each one of us to sanctity! That we may be holy because He is holy! (Leviticus) God has touched each of our hearts, and His plan for us is to continue to grow in His ways. If we ever feel "stagnant" we should ask the Lord to reveal what is keeping us from Him, He will be sure to let us know =). It's all or nothing!

This discussion, or these thoughts, could go on for quite a while.  I want to mention one more thing tonight.  The Lord is allowing me to grow in beautiful ways as a woman.  For the last... probably 10 years, but more significantly the last 3 years, I have been facing challenges with my identity as a woman, body image, sexuality, and I have received a lot of prayer and freedom from these issues.  My understanding, wisdom and knowledge of womanhood, purity, motherhood has been greatly increased. I can say through so much prayer and consecrating my life to the Lord, I am free from secular portrayal of women, sexuality and marriage. Thank You Lord, for Your gentleness, mercy and love which set me free!

Over the last couple of months I found myself continuing to face challenges regarding body image, eating and exercise habits.  However, in God's time through persistent trials and constant prayer, I see the Lord's hand at work.  In thanksgiving prayer before meals, I ask the Lord to bless the gifts I receive from Him, that they may cleanse my body, keep me healthy and pure, that I may be a healthy and holy temple for Him through His Spirit, to live and dwell within!  My body is a temple that houses the Holy Spirit, and in loving my body, I love God! He has created me in His image and likeness.  In loving myself, I love God.  How beautiful is that =).

I really could go on and on, but I know it's getting a little late. I thank the Lord for the work He has done in my life, and continues to do each day. Lord, may I never go astray from You!  Thank you for transforming my heart, and in doing so transforming my mind, actions and desires. You are such a gentle and loving God and You are so worthy of all of my praises!  In all that I do, may I honor You, O Lord. You are worthy!  From the depths of my heart I give you praise and thanks. In You I am free! Hallelujah!

God bless you <3

Don't forget, if you have any questions, want me to elaborate, or discuss further just let me know!

Sleep well =)

- Erin

"Reassure my heart somehow, that the Love that I feel is so much more real than anything"

Good evening =) 


I write this blog, giving it to the Lord.  I ask that He guides my heart and mind through Christ Jesus, to witness to you and open your heart to see, believe and experience the depth of the love our God has for each one of us... for you!


From the very beginning.... God had plans for you, to prosper you and give you life!  The Lord tells us..  


"For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 


"But when he comes, the Spirit of TRUTH, he will guide you to all truth. He will not speak on his own, but he will speak what he hears and will declare to you the things that are coming." John 16:13


God created you, and from that very beginning, He loved you so much He gave you the gift of life! To live, to live in happiness, love, peace, joy, gentleness, all which are fruits of His Spirit.  Through Him, we live in the Truth, free from the "anxieties" and false beliefs of the world.  Through Him, we are home, in the kingdom of our Heavenly Father here on earth.  Heavenly Father... have you ever truly thought about Him as your Father? 


He loves you so much!! He patiently forgives us, He patiently waits for us to ask Him for help knowing we will sin, but is quick to forgive us because He desires nothing more than to love us!!  To know His true love, we are called to seek Him above everything else... because He is worthy!!  Glory to You O Lord!


I will eventually get into how the Lord has captured my heart.  The Lord has continued to bless my heart, and heal me each day for my wrong doings and my past.  However, I have experienced great mercy and continue to be molded into the woman He has called me to be!  My life has been changed completely and I have experienced the forgiveness of the Lord, His love, joy, peace, gentleness, and light.. all which guard my heart and mind in Christ Jesus.  


I look forward to continuing to share with you, if you are willing to hear ... well, read =) 


May Our Heavenly Father, hold you close in His arms, where His unending love is poured into your heart to witness His great love for you, His beautiful child!  Like no other, He created you, perfect in the image and likeness, just as He had planned, and through our sins and earthly faults, He loves us just the way we are!  May Jesus, through His Holy Spirit, be the light to your feet, and lamp to your heart, that you may experience Him in new ways! He thirsts for you. 




God bless you!! 


-Through the love of Christ- God's peace be in your heart-


Erin 

*It's more like falling in love, than something to believe in..*

Hello!!


It's been a while since I last wrote, not only here, but even in my journal.  Temptation won I suppose, because I know it's a huge blessing for me to write and I let the enemy "trick" me into not making time. But I am back =)


I just had a beautiful weekend. The last couple of weeks felt "heavy" with errands, and things that needed to get done.  I felt quite distracted and limited in my self control, making decisions that may not have been the best.  I have been redeemed with this weekend, off from work with the opportunity for a retreat!  Glory to God, but I feel rejuvenated.  The Lord never ceases to amaze me. 


I want to share with you a little bit about my experience this weekend. 


I have found myself the last couple of weeks, actually, the last couple of months, struggling with self control in many aspects of my life.  I have received A LOT of healing from my past, but certain things have continued to resurface.  To say the least, I have been struggling with self control which I know is important to fulfill my call to marriage.  This, the Lord has confirmed this past weekend =). 


Self control is a manifestation of the Holy Spirit. The Lord poured His love, mercy and grace into my heart this weekend, and spoke to me in a powerful way. He made Himself known and shined His face upon my heart, so that I would find hope in Him and I did.  


Self control and gentleness are the two words the Lord placed on my heart with a strong desire to meditate upon, and let them kindle a fire within my heart, allowing Him to strengthen me.  Today following yesterday's retreat and in reflecting upon all the Lord revealed to me, I can say by the grace of our great God, I desire nothing less than all the Lord is calling me to!  This brings me hope and joy. Seeking the Lord's will gives me a center of peace, and in return, self-control. Trusting the Lord also brings me humbleness, and in return gentleness.  Thank You, Lord!  He never ceases to amaze me. 


I hope this makes some sense. I guess my point in sharing this brief story is that the Lord's mercy is powerful, if we seek Him each day.  Like our relationships between two human beings, our relationship with the Lord is quite similar. We have to constantly "work" at it. The only difference is, the Lord is consistent in His love, mercy and peace, and knows us better than we know ourselves. In the good and bad, we need to call to Jesus and give in thanks and praise.  He desires, thirsts and longs for our total surrender.  He wants to lead our hearts in His path of happiness and righteousness. When we struggle, we need to turn to Him, because He will!! carry us. He hears our cries. Even if we want the difficult situation to disappear right now, we need to continue to turn to the Lord, and in His time He will work it to good. He is doing it right now. Have a little faith ;-)




It's gotten late and I should be going to sleep!! Gym time comes quickly. 


God bless you ~  Rest in the hands of Jesus, where His love cradles your mind, body and spirit.  May He hold you close to His most Sacred Heart, and lift you into the mantle of Mary's love. Goodnight.


- Erin