Search my heart, and search my soul~

"Shine Your light, and show Your face! In my life, Lord, have Your way. Hear my cry, and hear my prayer. Draw me close, I know You're near. Give me strength, and give me grace, to walk with You, Lord, all my days. So with all my heart and all my soul, with all I am, Lord, I will follow You. You took the cross, You took my shame, restored my life, now I live to worship You. Search my heart, and search my soul. There's nothing else, that I want more. Without You, I am nothing." - Hillsong United, Search My Heart


Glory to You, Lord! Without You, I am nothing! Amen. 

Thank You, Lord, for teaching me about humility!  Who would ever thank God for such a thing??

The Lord is helping me, through His grace and Spirit,  understand what it means to be humble in order to rid me of selfish pride.  Yes, we are human and I know I often let pride get in the way of God's fruitful gifts He has blessed me with, however, the Lord is blessing my heart with understanding and spiritual growth.

People have told me "I always pray for humility," but I seem to be “afraid” to do that because I don't know what that would entail regarding making me "look silly." 

Now, however, I desire humility, because God is humble, I am humble. Look at Jesus' passion, Our King humbly carried the cross, took on the sins of the world, was beaten and humiliated, and He remained obedient through God's grace, for God and with God. He never boasted Himself, He actually sat low with the sinners. Our mighty King was humble.


I desire to be humble as Jesus was humble, and remain in humility. Humility as in lowering myself and showing love at all times! I know in my work place, pride is present within many, but in another sense, my “job” as a physical therapist calls me to genuinely show compassion and love at all times for the best interest and care for my patient.  My “job” as a woman is uniquely similar!

As a woman, God’s feminine beauty (in original creation of woman, Eve) rests in her humble, gentle and loving ways.  Her instilled patience and trust in the Lord keeps her temperant; in good, self-control.  The stem of her heart is humility, as a woman who can only share and live these virtues and fruitful gifts through the grace of God.  "Without You, Lord, I am nothing!" There is no other way a woman can fulfill God’s call as a woman in this world, without humbly accepting Her gifts and living to serve others, and her God above herself. 

Yesterday, Saturday, I attended a women's retreat at Seton Hall University in South Orange, NJ.  It was such a blessed day, with beautiful women of all ages loving God, praising the Lord with holy hour, divine mercy chaplet, adoration, listening to enlightening and truth-filled talks about the Holy Spirit and collaboration with God and women of conviction, as well as celebrate the most holy Sacrament of the altar, The Eucharist. 


Following the blessed day, I went out to dinner with some great young women I met at a young adult group called Spirit and Truth.  While I was listening to one of the women talk, my heart was suddenly filled with love for her. Yes, I love these women already, but the Lord filled me with a deeper love, God's perfect love, in which I instantly thought, "yes, Lord, I love her because she is a beautiful woman of God. She is created in God's image, and God's likeness, just as He intended to create her, with a special purpose, and if I don't love her as He loves her, I will offend Him!"  I was moved by this thought, and the Lord has enriched my gratefulness for His unique presence in each one of us. To God be the glory.


I am no greater than another. Yes, I have unique, and special gifts given to me specifically from our Father, but that does not make me greater or better than another.  I accept these gifts, humbly, knowing that the plans for my life are for the glory of God, not my own glory.  Along with God's glory, we are filled with joy, love, peace, and many fruitful gifts of the Spirit because God "rewards"... loves... cares, for us. 


We all are the hands of God, and our unique blessings, talents, gifts, are to be used to build up the kingdom of God.  One without the other (me without you) wouldn't make sense.  God's perfect plan for our life is like a puzzle, and we are to put all the pieces together for His great glory.  His great glory, everlasting life with Him!  


One more thing I want to share with you today, is related to building up God's kingdom on earth.  We may not realize it, but every word and action that we make influences another.  The Lord is guiding my heart and mind, as He continues to convert my being into God's plan for my life.  Part of being humble is to remain in the Spirit of Jesus, and to know that the smallest negative, or smallest hurtful, or smallest secular discussion, can influence the heart, body or spirit of someone else.  Unless we speak in and of the truth at all times, God's kingdom is at risk.  


I'm not necessarily saying we have to sit in our room and only site scripture and sing praises 24 hours every day (although for some that is God's intention), but I am trying to exaggerate my point that we all are easily influenced, and easily influence others.  God's loving kindness, His holy grace, is to be shared and spread from one person to another, to lift and prevail in His great kingdom which reigns forever in heaven and on earth. I have been trying to consider my choice of words more carefully, as well as my actions, because I don't want to harm or hurt someone else's heart, I want to fill it up with the loving truth of the Lord! (part of my "job" and nature, character, as a woman)


Okay, I think that will be all for now. 


Lord, may You enlighten my heart and the heart of all those who read this blog today, that our hearts may be set on fire for Your word, and Your truth.  It is in You, that we are set free, free to love, free to live a joyful life away from the darkness of this world and in Your light.  I thank You for Your wisdom and knowledge, Your gifts that You instill in us through Your Holy Spirit.  I lift You up, Lord, and exhalt Your name on high, because You are worthy. Thank You for Your divine mercy, and for loving us despite our sins.  Thank You, for freeing us from our sins, and giving us pure hearts to know You.


God bless you ~


- Erin 

"Cry out to Jesus"

"To everyone who has lost someone they loved, long before it was their time. It feels like the days you had were not enough when you said goodbye. To honor the people with burdens and pains. You believe there is nothing and no one who can make it right. There is hope for the helpless, rest for the weary and love for the broken hearts. There is grace and forgiveness, mercy and healing that meets you wherever you are. Cry out to Jesus. For the marriage that's struggling just to hang on, they've lost all their faith and love. And they've done all they can to make it right again, still it's not enough. For the ones who can't break the addictions and chains, they try to give up but you come back again. Remember you are not alone in your shame and suffering. When you're lonely, and it feels like the whole world is falling on you, you just reach out, you just cry out to Jesus. Cry to Jesus. To the little who suffers from being alone, wiping the tears from her eyes. For the children around the world without a home, say a prayer tonight. There is hope for the helpless, rest for the weary and love for the broken hearts. There is grace and forgiveness, mercy and healing that meets you wherever you are. Cry out to Jesus." Third Day - Wherever You Are


Hello!!


It's been quite some time. I welcome you to the season of Lent! In preparation for receiving the Lord with a pure and holy heart on Easter, I ask for the Lord's abundance grace, blessings, healing, divine mercy and love be poured out upon your heart today and the days that follow!


I want to share a Lent experience with you that truly was life changing for me. 


About 2 years ago I was in my second year of graduate school, and I lived with 2 girlfriends in an apartment 3/4 mile away from my university.  I had been in relationship with Jesus (in the beginning of my ongoing conversion) for about 1 year and this, at the time, was the first Lent I wanted to do something that helped me grow closer to the Lord. Lent before my relationship with Jesus was real, didn't have as much meaning as it did then, and even more now. 


In college, I will be honest, I made choices that were not healthy, impure, lead away from God, and brought me further into darkness.  I did not know it at the time, well, I knew something felt "strange" or "uncomfortable" but I didn't know what it was.  I look back now and reflect, and I see how my whole heart was hardened, unable to see my purpose, my beauty as a gift and woman of God. I wanted to be a part of the world, the secular society where the norm is corrupt, love is false, and priorities are clouded. 


As my heart was trying to understand who Jesus was (is), and the hurt that had created my heart to harden, I had great men, women, Franciscan Friars, and community to help me along the way.  During Lent, I was encouraged to read scripture every day. I committed to that, although at times I may have rushed through a chapter just to read it, or read a chapter and not truly understand the Word being spoken, but I committed in order to deepen my relationship, wisdom and understanding of God. I don't think reading scripture for the whole season became a "habit" but it definitely became a desire!  Thank You, Lord!! Through consistent scripture reading, even after that Lent, the Lord blessed me with increased understanding and knowledge of His Word!  I can't go a day without being in the Word of God, it gives me foundation, it is my rock. 


I also had a desire to abstain from all alcohol.  Being in college, living with friends, and looking forward to the weekends without 24 hour studying and class, that was a challenge.  Through a lot of prayer, I knew this would help the Lord reveal my own heart to myself.  Alcohol had created a lot of problems in my past (I was not an alcoholic, but I did drink on the weekends with friends).  My friends and I looked forward to having "some" drinks and "have a good time."  Wow, my idea of a good time was very clouded. "Some" drinks always turned into too many, and a "good time" often turned in to obnoxious actions and in extreme events, feeling quite "ugly" and "dark" the next day. At least this was my experience. 


So, Lent came. I knew this would be a challenge, and I would face many temptations throughout the 40 days of fasting. If it were not my friends saying "come on, are you kidding, you really aren't going to drink the whole time? Just have one, we miss the 'fun' Erin", I sometimes wanted to just cave in.  But the Lord gave me strength to resist all alcohol. Throughout the season, I actually lost the desire slowly. I went out, yes. I went to the bar on a Friday night, and said "no" often to people wanting to buy me a drink, or a friend trying to convince me "just one."  But somehow, I had the strength to stay committed to my fast, for the love of God. I knew my heart was desiring to remain "clean".  Create in me, a clean heart O Lord! 


"I am holy, because You are holy, Lord." (Leviticus 11:14, 1 Peter 1:16)


As I mentioned earlier, my desire to participate in such events slowly left my heart and mind.  Granted, I did feel uncomfortable at times, sitting with a group of friends while things may have became "rowdy" and eventually I saw people forgetting things they did, not knowing who they were, making themselves look silly, and realized that I have done this to myself as well!!


When Lent was over, and Easter Sunday was here, I did not even have the least bit of a desire to have a glass of wine!  Often people look forward to Easter because they can or do whatever it was they gave up for Lent.  However, I was FREED from that harmful and hurtful action I used to enjoy.  The Lord totally freed me, and stripped my heart of such an action that was not benefitting my body, my mind, my heart, or my spirit.  To this day, I have no desire for ever being drunk, ever again. (unless it's on the Holy Spirit - Acts 2)


Please remember that this is just a personal event. I do not pass judgment on those who may enjoy a drink or two. I really don't. It's just that the Lord knew something I didn't know, and it took total sacrifice and abstinence for me to recognize the hurt it brought to myself. I didn't enjoy drinking, I might have thought I did at the time, but it was quick make me feel good, and the result was never satisfying.  But did it anyway, and it left me feeling guilty, depressed, emotionally unstable, lethargic, and quite ugly on the inside and out. This is my experience. 


So what am I trying to get at here?  Lent is a season of great sacrifice.  Just as Jesus resisted temptation for 40 days and nights, and fasted, and remained in the grace and will of God, He calls us to do the same! He wants to be totally loved by us, in mind, spirit and body. He wants to purify our hearts, and cleanse our bodies!  He desires nothing but beauty and greatness for each of us!  This Lent season, I encourage you to have the strength through Jesus Christ.  We are all weak in the flesh, and God knows that.  But we are strong in Jesus, who has conquered the enemy, and all temptations for the human being. He said "no" and obeyed God, and God called Him into His great glory, forever!


My Lent this year is a little different, but still for the glory of God. I now look forward this such a season where the Lord's passion kindles a fire in my heart. I desire Him with all that I am!


Thank You, Jesus! You have conquered sin and temptation, and I thank You for the strength You bring to each of us so that we can resist temptation, for the glory of God the Almighty Father.  May we be purified, so we can receive You more fully each day, as You bring light to our heart, freeing us from the darkness of the world. 




Love in Christ, 
Erin